I've been spun by an amazing woman. I'm just now getting myself back into the groove after going for a two day seminar with
Suhaila Salimpour. I don't know how to really describe my experience. It was pretty hard physically, but I felt great. Sometimes I think I should have gone into the military...there's something about someone being relentless about pushing you to exceed what you thought were your limits.
She gave me a great deal of insight and a huge chunk of stuff to chew up and stick in my hair. I got a glimpse of what has been making me so miserable when I'm in the dance community. I only really find peace when I'm on the stage or dancing for myself. I want to be an artist. I never felt belly dance could be compared to ballet or modern dance. I was just a little hip hop dancer on the street who couldn't make it on broadway. I was so wrong!!
Suhaila has taken tremendous leaps for us in the dance community as a whole ...not just belly dance. I can actually see how her technique can bring us to a level of performance as an artform full of intricate and limitless movements. I want to work long hours and go to a studio and feel as respectable as any other dancer in the art world. I want to tell people I'm a dancer and not have to explain why there's no pole and yes we do keep our clothes on! I want to have a repertoire of steps that have endless possibilities and are not limited to any one particular style.
Of course now that the wool has been lifted from my eyes, how do I go back to what I have here? How do I look at the dancers around me and not feel lost? How can I ever been happy with Jello now that I've seen what creme brule can be? I've always been a New York cheesecake girl myself :)
I've been heading toward a dark night phase again. I just spent a good deal of money on empowering clothing...ya know cool jeans and black gothwear. I rarely spend money on clothing, but when I need to facilitate a change, the easiest way I know to get things moving is to shed my skin. I've also been reconnecting with the Goth community. Its been a long time since I felt like I was involved in a subculture. Its like digging out that black trench coat... slipping it on and feeling that cool soft feeling...letting it warm to your body as it curls around you like a cat...and knowing you're safe in the darkness...there's nothing to fear but your own mediocrity.
I want to be warm again.
